It’s the late 70s…people want to see two vigilante redneck cousins (or maybe modern-day Robin Hoods) kick up dirt in their Dodge Charger, draped in the yet-to-be-blatant racist insignia of the confederate flag. We’ll give them an uncle who wears overalls and looks like a mix between Santa Claus and Kenny Rodgers. What his role is, yet to be determined. I suppose the wise old bearded coot. Speaking of Coot, the cousins are also chummy with the local mechanic, who serves a purpose as the caretaker of the Charger…which, get this…we’ve named the General Lee. If this show doesn’t play well south of the Mason-Dixie line, I’m out of this business forever. Best of all, we’ll make this whole setup appropriately incestual and give the Duke boys a hot-ass cousin who wears these new cutoff jean shorts that are popular with the Farrah Fawcett set.
In the tradition of Wily Coyote-Road Runner, Bugs Bunny-Elmer Fudd and Tom-Jerry, the Dukes will play a cat-and-mouse game with the bumbling local cops, one of which ‘fights’ crime with a lazy houndog. As the Duke cousins launch their car over the yet-to-be-bridged waterways of Hazzard County, we’ll add in dramatic pauses to leave the viewers (we’re estimating an audience of five-year-old boys) on the edge of their seats. In reality, they’ll probably just be waiting for the next scene with Daisy Duke.
Oh, and we’ve commissioned Waylon Jennings to record what we believe will be one of the best tv show theme songs ever. Waylon’s contract states that he has to narrate the episodes, so we’re gonna let him do that. Could work for those dramatic pauses.
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